I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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