I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
