it's too hot outside to masturbate.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
