i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
