i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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