yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
