you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
