My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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