That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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