just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
