I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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