he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
