I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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