You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
