these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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