your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
