I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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