you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
