my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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