i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to calm my uterus...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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