Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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