i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
