Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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