Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Life is so much better after having sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
