She's JV to your varsity
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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