My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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