That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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