Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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