either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
