I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
