That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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