You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
