I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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