Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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