Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
