I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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