Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
