my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
