you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
