She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
