Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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