If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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