4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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