the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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