you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They have beer where we have blood.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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