You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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