I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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