Whod you bang
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
