he was CRYING into my vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
