I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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