Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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