my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
