in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
