The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
