i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
