I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
