Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
