wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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