none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
