how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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