trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
