why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
