Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
