Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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