i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize