Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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