I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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