I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
