3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
