I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
