he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
