Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
