well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
