It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
