I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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