I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
