I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
